I woke up out of my deep sleep to the faint sound of my mother’s voice whispering my name.
I began to pry open my heavy eyelids when a stabbing pain shot from the back of my head down my neck. I squirmed in pain. My mother’s voice grew shaky. Almost instantly, I shot up with only one goal in mind: get the hell out of here.
I was still in the small bed I had been in earlier that morning. But now, cords, needles, wires were hanging all around me and clinging to my skin. Trying to get free, I felt like a bug trapped in a spider’s web. As I reached the end of the bed, all of these strangers came running into the room to help my mom stop me. I was held down and they were saying things to me.
I will not calm down.
But they couldn't hear me.
Hands were all over my body. I was being pushed down against the bed. The pressure of their hands was almost calming. Then, the shooting pain came back. I lunged up and saw some of the strangers go flailing back. Of course, my mom stayed still.
“Sammy, please calm down. I know it hurts.”
Yeah right! You have no idea!
All of the voices were blending together now.
“All of his IV’s are out, we’ll have to hold him down to put them back in”
What the hell are IV’s? Why are you people bugging me? Oh my god, my head.
Then these idiots were pricking my arms with needles and holding me down. The pain that came from my neck was way worse than these weak needles. But I winced with every stab. I let out a cry. I just wanted to be heard. I know it wasn't words, but it was something.
"It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy was playing, my mother was saying something to me, strangers were busily working. I think the TV was on, a phone was ringing, a baby crying down the hall. I just stared, as I felt a small droplet from my eye. I heard my sister enter the room, and soon she was apart of cluster of the hands holding me down
What the hell happened to me? This morning I was fine.
Then I remembered my mother sobbing by my bedside earlier that morning and saying, “I know it’ll hurt, but it’ll make you better.”
I jerked my body from the pain, clenched my teeth and heard one of the strangers curse under her breath. I heard my mom panting. I glanced up to see her look at my sister. They didn’t say anything but I knew what they were thinking, what they were always thinking, "I wish he could tell us what was hurting.”
My head hurts.
Autism from a sibling's point of view...
My name is Paige and I am 24 years old. I graduated from Towson University with a Psychology Bachelors Degree. I am now working towards my Master's in Education of Autism and other Pervasive Disorders at Johns Hopkins. I am also a Behavior Data Specialist at the Kennedy Krieger Institute Neurobehavioral Inpatient Unit. My younger brother, Sammy, is 19 and has Autism. He is completely non-verbal, unaware of safety, is not toilet trained, cannot get himself dressed, and has difficulty with everyday activities that we all take advantage of. He works harder every single day of his life than anyone I know and he always does it with a smile on his face. He is my true hero and inspiration and because of him, I have dedicated my life to advocating and creating opportunities for individuals with Autism. I hope that I can make him proud and this blog is just a small part of the awareness I hope I can create about Autism and support other siblings impacted by Autism. I love you Sammy - thank you for everything.